Picnic Cinema: 28 Days Later Zombie Campover July 2013 by Porphyria Poppins, on Flickr
If you’re fleeing the city because of a zombie apocalypse (not again!), it is useful to know how to handle yourself in the woods. And remember to pay attention now because the internet may not be up and running if the undead are stalking the earth. Or your iPhone battery could run out.
If you are prepared to spend some time in the woods your chances of surviving and even thriving are much higher when it comes time to leave your comfortable home behind. Think Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator. If you are prepared for the worst, you could be the bad-ass guy rigging traps and sharpening handmade spears, muscles rippling under your ripped army shirt. Maybe not the last bit.
So what do you need to look after yourself out in the backwoods alone and how can you be ready for this eventuality? Here are a few pieces of kit you might want to invest in now, because the local stores will probably look like Dawn of the Dead at the time you need to flee.
Woodland Survival Tools
If you’re going to be spending a lot of time in a forest
it’s wise to have some quality pieces of forestry kit
. The ideal items would include a chainsaw – of course! A chainsaw will allow you to cut wood to make a shelter – preferably high off the ground for safety – and to make fires for warmth and cooking. A chainsaw will also come in very handy if any of your living dead buddies make it out to the woods. Take off their heads and you’re safe once again.
A hatchet is another useful item for woodland AND zombie survival. Again you can use it for chopping wood – and more quietly than with a chainsaw, which could be vital – and it will double as a deadly weapon if AND WHEN it’s needed.
Compass and map:
These days the most navigating the majority of people do is on their smartphone. And GPS may work for some time in a zombie apocalypse. But when batteries run out and systems crash you will be glad you have a map and compass. It will help you find suitable camping ground in as safe a spot as possible. And if you need to run again you can use your old school navigation tools to plan an effective escape route.
Bow and arrow:
Of course guns are the most effective weapons for hunting – and self-defence from gruesome zombies – but a bow and set of arrows is better if you’re going to spend some time deep in the woods. Bullets run out and guns are loud, drawing attention to your position. A bow and arrow, on the other hand, is silent and you can make new ammo at any time.
Of course you couldn’t live it up in the woods without a quality hunting knife. You’ve seen Rambo; a hunting knife is essential and amazingly versatile! And with packs of hungry undead strolling around an extra weapon is always welcome.
Invest in some survival tools now and you will be king of the woods, dispatching zombies at every turn and eating fire-roasted meat in your treetop pad. And do it quickly, because they’re coming…
Sam Butterworth is a writer, a fan of classic horror flicks and a proponent of the virtues of preparedness for a zombie apocalypse. He is known to wear audacious facial hair, velvet jackets and leopard print boots (not ideal for woodland camouflage!)