comparing ourself with others
Personal Development

Simple Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself With Others

“We are not in competition with anyone but ourselves!” I want to help folks who are self conscious and those feeling as if you do not stack up against someone in a certain area of life or expertise so that you can learn some simple ways to stop comparing yourself now!

We devalue ourselves when we compare ourselves to others. We convince ourselves that others are superior to us. They live a better life, are smarter, more beautiful, wealthier, more popular, and more creative… And this triggers a slew of bad feelings in us, including jealousy, envy, frustration, and even scorn.

“Don’t compare your Chapter 1 with someone else’s Chapter 20.” – unknown

This quote is simple, but is something that I hold to my heart. I have been stressing out about what I wanted my first post on my blog to be. It took me a whole month to come up with material, so that I have consistent content. I wanted to come out with a BOOM like I have always been here in the blogging world. This was to the point of obsession, with me trying to produce material that hold up with the big dogs who have been blogging for years.

I was continuously looking for blogs that were similar to my niche and interests, as well as those that had made a lot of money from their website. This was a must-do for me so that I know exactly what I was getting myself into before diving into serious blogging. “How can I even begin to fit in?” I wondered as I began to make harsh comparisons to those famous bloggers. I realized that these thoughts were pointless because I am currently on the first page of Chapter 1 of my blogging journey.

Read also: The Comparison Trap

For those in a similar situation of entering into a new chapter in your life, with the future unknown, I have conjured up a list of ways to stop comparing, and start embracing your inner creativity in all walks of life:

1. Inspire, but don’t replicate.

This is pretty self-explanatory. Although it may seem like everything has been done, you can always come up with your unique twist to an idea although it was inspired. I have read this post on how you can build your creativity from scratch through brainstorming.

This post alone gave me a massive amount of confidence to work on my creativity and think of how I can put my distinctive point of view on all of the topics. This single brainstorming activity gave me a whole list of ideas for my blog. I cannot thank her enough for this post!

2.  Face a fear.

This is the most challenging for people, especially me. We need to understand that there is always room for improvement and living an intentional life is vital to finding the will to live out your dreams. I challenge all of you to do what matters the most, always continuing to learn, and not hesitating to start over because it is never too late.

It can be beneficial to combat fearful thoughts. For example, if you’re afraid of suffocating in a lift, ask yourself if you’ve ever heard of this occurring to someone else. Consider what you would say to a buddy who was experiencing a similar worry. And don’t try to be perfect. Despite the fact that life is full of stresses, many of us believe that our lives must be ideal.
There will always be bad days and disappointments, and it’s vital to realize that life is messy.

Be Shameless! Facing this fear will warrant an increased self-esteem, bringing less instances for comparing yourself and feeling like you do not match up to those in later “chapters” in their life.

Read also: 9 “Harmless” Habits That Fuel Your Anxiety

3. Leave the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s” at home… in the basement!

This will be another continuous goal for myself to reflect without regret because when we see where others are in life and we think if we changed something from our past we would be just like them or say “This could be me/us, but” (we have all reposted those types of posts on Instagram!).

Throughout my life I have made decisions that caused some misfortunes. I am now able to say that I do not dwell on these mistakes nor daydream about what could have happened because I should have done this when I would have did that a different way. A book I recommend reading (or listening to on Audible!) is In the Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant.

This book forced me to recognize and work through the “meantime” I was facing when I was in the darkest of places. It made me reflect on the ways I have reacted to previous circumstances leaving shortcoming where they needed to be, in the basement, so that I can move up to the next level of my life healed.

4. Stop thinking that what you see on other people’s social media is 100% true.

We have to quit making drastic comparisons to others, screaming “goals” on social media with a mere glimpse of their lives (I’m have been guilty of this too), and start striving to be the best us. I want us to only reflect on how we can make improvements within ourselves to brighten our future.

The absolutely incandescently joyful social media posts you see are simply a snapshot of that person’s life. This is a single moment in time that is captured and shared. And perhaps it was a truly great occasion in which that individual felt so happy that they chose to share it with the rest of the world! However, there are numerous challenges that we are unaware of. We can never have a whole view of social media since it is a distorted reality.

Answer this question to me – How many people post on their not so good daily moments on the internet? I live a very stressful life, but I wouldn’t dare to have Negative Nancy posts on any social media sites (with my mature present brain anyways… Thank God for growth!).

Read also: Can You Balance FOMO, YOLO & Saving At The Same Time

5. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

“No one can live your life as well as you”. There is no real “grade” on you living your life your way! For example, there is not rule book on being the best mom, but putting forth your best instincts and well intentions will make you the best parent for your child.

For those who do not have children yet, think about your career when you are in your trial and error period (parents you too)! What you may have thought was a “fail” in a part of your career may very well be an opening to an opportunity right around the corner with patience and continued hard work. Strive to do what you love while embracing your growth and you will prevail.

Being harsh on yourself is not only counterproductive, but it’s also a difficult habit to break. It necessitates constant focus and practice. If you let it, being hard on yourself may wreck your mood, focus, and productivity. Fortunately, shame and humiliation – two emotions associated with self-criticism – have been proven to endure only 30 to 50 minutes.

Take advantage of this by putting a time limit on your emotions. Set a timer for once an hour for several days and check in with your thoughts each time. Was it true that you were about to put yourself down?

6. Learn instead of comparing

Comparing yourself to others will add no value to your objective, but it does not imply you should avoid learning from others. If you truly want to be successful in your creative industry, you must be willing to put in many hours of study, learning, testing, failing, and producing.

Learning from people who have succeeded or are actively attempting to do so should be a large part of that.
What are the systems, procedures, and relationships in place? If you want to be a writer, musician, or graphic designer, make it a habit to study the best in your industry. Make yourself a student of the craft you want to master.

Read also: Break the Cycle of Self Doubt With These Tips

7. Focus on your accomplishment

I have been doing it for some time now and I can tell you that it has a great positive influence on my way of thinking. On how I feel and how confident I am. It’s a skill you’ll need to master because it’s really effective. Measuring what we’ve already accomplished and evaluating all of our accomplishments, large and small, feeds our ego. We make ourselves less sensitive to comparison in this way.

Finally

When it comes to self-evaluation, asking how we compare to others is normal, healthy, and often quite beneficial.
It’s even necessary, in my opinion. When we compare ourselves for the purpose of self-improvement, though, the process may rapidly become compulsive, poisonous, and perplexing.

We mistakenly believe we’re evaluating ourselves when we’re actually attempting to improve ourselves, which is how we may rationalize our destructive behavior by claiming to be “doing our research,” as I used to do.

Comparing yourself to others is not inherently detrimental. The question is, what will you do with the outcomes of your comparisons? If you compare yourself to a coworker who does better than you at work, for example… Will you tell yourself that you’re happy with the way you work and carry on as before, or will you forego your breaks and return to the workplace on weekends to catch up with your coworker? Most of us, depending on our insecurities, compare ourselves to others who have a feature that we want but don’t have.

I hope this post helps you lovelies in finding it within yourself to know your personal wealth and cease all of the necessary comparisons.

AboutSadie

Sadie is a freelance writer documenting the adventures of downsizing from the family home in the suburbs to a mountain cottage in the woods. She share the downsizing details, scoutings of the mountain locations, and her never-ending search for the perfect T-shaped clothesline.

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