Parents frequently tell me how difficult it is to cope with misbehaving children. But are they truly mischievous kids?
Here’s something to keep you entertained: Children’s misbehavior is a positive thing!
What??? I’m joking right?
Parents also say – he’s just trying to garner attention! Of course he is! And even though it is sometimes really hard for parents to handle bad behavior, the number one reason children misbehave is they have unfulfilled needs.
Your child’s difficult conduct, such as tantrums or acting out, is a means of expressing their dissatisfaction, frustration, or anger.
Many kids learn that throwing a tantrum is an effective method to seek attention. Even negative attention is preferable to none!
New Take On Misbehaving Children
Many parents who have misbehaving children worry how to deal with them. As children get older, they are exposed to different situations and circumstances that may cause them to act out. If you’ve been on the same ship, you’ll find this article helpful. Read on to learn about common reasons why children misbehave and how you can respond to help instill appropriate behavior.
Misbehaving children – think about it – a MIS-take or MIS-behaving, is just something that has missed.
A mistake is a learning opportunity – not something bad or wrong.
So your job as a parent is to help your child to get in alignment with what they want, and find positive ways to get it.
And most importantly, to understand that naughty children, who are playing up for attention do need attention. That is not a bad thing at all. Honor their feelings, and help them find ways of getting what they want without bad behavior.
No, this does not mean giving in to tantrums or rewarding them for bad behavior.
Child Behavior = Family Barometer
The other challenge I would offer you when you have misbehaving children is to ask yourself what is going on with you? Our children act as a mirror for what is happening around them. If you are out of sync, then your child will pick it up quicker than anyone.
Unruly child behavior is often more about the disharmony in the home, a barometer if you like of what is happening. Maybe you and Dad had a fight last night, maybe you are frustrated with your job, maybe you are not doing the things that feed your soul?
If Mom or Dad are running on empty you are likely to have little left to put into your kids. Like the instructions on a flight – you MUST look after yourself first so you can be there for your kids.
The interesting thing about children is that they often imitate their own parents. If the parents have an attitude of indifference, the children, instead of being polite, are casual with their peers and elders.
Showing your kids how you get yourself back on track and feeling positive again, is the most powerful lesson in managing bad behavior.
When you tell them how you feel when you are frustrated or angry, your are showing them that feelings are not bad or wrong. Our strong feelings are just telling us something is out of whack!
For this reason, parents should be patient with the child, gradually teaching him to understand these risks and norms. However, it is important to keep in mind that children will seek as much attention as possible. If they don’t get the attention they need, they demand it through negative and even unacceptable behaviors. This is why children behave badly in the presence of their mothers.
Then the best way kids learn is if YOU model to them what you do when you are grumpy and you want to shift it.
Take a walk, have a bath, play some music, do a grumpy dance. I guarantee you if you get them to help you do a grumpy dance, no-one will stay grumpy for long!
Read also: 10 Awesome Indoor Activities for Kids
Then you come back and say I’m starting to feel better now, I love you so much – let’s have a cuddle and read a story or I need a hug. They learn from what you are doing to handle strong feelings.
You will get far more satisfaction out of parenting when you have as much fun as possible and reinforce your children getting attention in positive ways. Make sure they know, their bad behavior is nothing to do with how much you love them. NEVER NEVER make compliance a condition of your love and approval.
Use their challenging behavior as a signal to you that they have unmet needs and find ways to encourage them to get those needs met in more productive ways.
Teach Skills Rather Than Struggling With Constant Discipline Issues
Instead of struggling with misbehaving children, I work from the premise that kids need to learn new skills in order to behave differently. For many years I have run Super Skills 4 Kids as an extensive course teaching kids (and parents) to reach their goals – be it a skill goal, or behavioral goal.I am very excited to have finally re-developed this course into a home-study course, available online, that is accessible to lots more families.
It is undeniable that a child should feel understood and loved by his parents. In this way, he will maintain his emotional stability and it will not be necessary to resort to these bad practices to get what he needs.
Super Skills 4 Kids is packed with tools and comes with a bonus workbook. I’ve had many parents say they use many of the techniques for themselves! To find out how you can work with your kids to manage their behavior differently.
Help You Deal With Bad Behavior
It isn’t just about dealing with a wayward youngster. In fact, we should endeavor to improve his mood by involving him in fun and inspiring activities. The worst mistake that can be made is to take away his legitimacy in front of the exercises because of a lack of will.
We should be on the lookout for the polar opposite. That is, he abandons his incorrigible habit in order to correct and transform it with a proactive and positive attitude. And all of this is done in a kind and understanding manner.
You’ll find lots of tips to inspire or support you in disciplining children with love and respect, and empowering your children to develop their internal guidance and self discipline.