Okay, so you’re totally pre-occupied. Tossing and turning at night. You feel completely off at any given moment during the day and your mind is all over the place…. something just isn’t right between you and your friend.Things have changed and you’re wondering what the heck went wrong! It’s one of the WORST feelings!
I know I’ve certainly experienced my fair share of friends coming and going out of my life. I know all about the confusing feelings that are all tied up in it. Feelings of anger, hurt and uncertainty. Its hard whether you are on the receiving end of a friend breakup or if you are making the choice yourself. Years ago I created an analogy of friendship that’s helped me deal with my feelings and attitude towards friends. I’m going to share it with you now so that you may adopt it, or at the very least it can help you to cope with this issue.
“Friends are like books on your bookshelf of life.”
Some books you reference for a lifetime. You can’t ever be without them, some serve their purpose for a shorter period of time and you’re done, and others you use, then shelf only to pick up years later to rediscover all over again. This is true for every relationship in life, not just friends.
Although friends do not have the last word in a relationship, there are also situations in which it is very important to pay attention to what they tell us. It is necessary to have the ability to discern what is true and what is not true of what they are telling us.
Here are some tips to help you deal with friends coming and going out of your life.
1. It’s normal!
You’re definitely not the only one going through this. If you see a picture of your friends on Facebook, and you realize that they didn’t invite you, you probably feel sad and start to think about it. Don’t do it! You’re just filling your head with absurd ideas.
2. Make new friends!
When there has become a void in your life with the departure of a friend, especially one whom you’ve spent so much time with, use the opportunity to make a new friend or nurture an existing relationship you’ve wanted to take to the next level. A new friend will have so much to offer you.
New people in your life offer new experiences and new learning. This keeps our souls from being stagnant and allows us to learn and grow. In fact, if you feel that you haven`t been moving forward and growing maybe it`s time to make a new friend.
3. Create a Network of friends.
As you grow older, you lose that childhood idea of ‘one best friend forever and ever’ mentality and realize that one person often can’t possibly encompass everything you need. Different friends offer different opinions, experiences and availability! It helps to have other friends to turn to.
Who else is going to help you through your friend dilemma anyway? If you don’t have a network, and something goes wrong with your one friend, you will find yourself in a horrible position, alone and in pain. Don’t put your eggs all in one basket.
4. Don’t hold a grudge!
If no marked fight happened and you find you have just drifted apart…it likely means they are happy doing their own thing. Be happy for them! Don’t waste energy on being bitter and resentful. They likely are not wasting their energy on you.
When we are in pain or even resentment, it is hard to imagine that time can do anything about it, the feeling of being abandoned or of giving up is invasive, it takes all the space. Even if your relationship has been at an impasse for a long time, even if you are convinced that this is the only possible solution, you will go through different phases of acceptance.
If a fight did happen, then forgive! If this fight can’t be resolved and you two have just crossed the point of no return…then do your best to put it behind you. I know this isn’t going to be easy. But what good is it to hang on to all this pain and hate? Move on.
Read also: 8 Ways To Bring Happiness Into Your Marriage
6. Get your closure! (If you need it!)
If it helps, clear the air! Talk about it. It will ease your mind too and give you closure. This will flush out any negativity or issues that need talking about.
7. Take Action!
If you are not ready to `shelf” this one – step up your game! Make more effort. Make them know how you are feeling and be sure to tell them how special they are. Who knows, maybe they’ve been waiting for this all along!
Read also: Simple Tips to Practice Self Reflection
8. Break the silence!
Let your friend know that you are at peace with the situation. Send a card or shoot them a random loving text. You don`t need to include any call to action in this. Just send love! “Hey! Thinking of you! Hope all is well! “ It`s just that simple!
9. Make the best of an encounter
Inevitably at some point you may bump into them. Be kind and loving. Embrace them with a warm hug and smile. This will put them at ease instantly and if they aren’t as awesomely mature as you are, they will feel off the hook. It will dispense any awkwardness and guilt and allow you two to fully embrace the encounter.
This will be beneficial for both of you. If there are smiles to be had all around and you pick up right where you left off and no hard feelings are present in the air, you`ll know if this ‘book’ can be dusted off down the road.
10. Remember there is a reason and a season. Remember the books!
You may or may not see it now, but in hindsight, 9 times out of 10 you`ll see that everything played out for the best. No friend relationship should be one-sided though. Make sure you’re not a doormat. Friendships are relationships you choose, so they should be equally beneficial and rewarding. If it`s not – you may have some thinking to do, and maybe some clearing out of your book case!